The End of an Age

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I felt really sad about the idea of not being a teacher anymore. I love working one-on-one with my students, conferencing with them about their particular struggles as writers, and learning about each one of them on an individual level. I have students who have specifically chosen to take my class semester after semester just because they enjoy my teaching style and my conferences. I was working with one particular student that has been with me for a year and it made me sad to think that he was about to finish the course and then probably not be working with me anymore. Then I thought, "Well, maybe if I start teaching higher level...." but then my mind finished that thought for me. "Not if I'm not going to be teaching anymore!" It's not even about teaching itself that I become sad, but about Prairie State. I have always wanted to return to that school after graduation, I have wanted that full time position for so long, but it didn't work out and it makes me sad. I can't afford to stay there without decent pay (and adjunct teaching is simply not enough money to live on), but I can't imagine leaving. I don't want to leave; I love my students and want to continue teaching my night classes with my fun, energetic night time students. I love working with adult returning students too. I don't know, the decision to stop teaching seems like a logical position to take, and yet it makes me sad. What to do...