Sharing Thoughts

Sometimes I love being alone. When I am alone, I live a different life from the one I live in another's company. I know that I wouldn't enjoy a life of solitude, but I would also not enjoy a life in which five minutes to myself was impossible.

When I walk a short distance by myself--from my car to my classroom, from a parking lot to a store, from one end of Home Depot to the other--my footsteps sound different to me. They play a staccato tap that beats time to an internal series of thoughts. Not music; I am not musical inside in spite of my enjoyment of music from other sources. I see things that I wouldn't have seen had I been accompanied, I think things that I wouldn't think, I feel things that I wouldn't feel. For so many years I have wished to share these moments with someone, wished sincerely that someone could see and feel and think what I do...experience it with me! But now...

I have begun to realize that I value this time as my own. I no longer wish for people to understand each individual thought and feeling as it comes to me. I hope to appreciated for the quality of my thoughts, perhaps...to be loved because of the understanding that my thoughts are private but beautiful...but if my thoughts are never shared in a common thought, I am content with that. To share my thoughts in writing has been my greatest dream, and after 25 years of unshared thoughts, I have come to realize that writing is my only method of sharing my thoughts. This will remain my only channel.