Frustration (to the Third Power)

The end of the semester is usually supposed to be a time of rejoicing and excitement over approaching summer, but this is always the week when the seriousness of my stress begins to trump all optimism. I am nervous for my students, but also nervous for me because my handiwork--how well I taught my students and how well they are able to produce writing, in turn--is going to be showcased for the rest of the department to see. Slightly nerve-wracking. I always know how everything becomes such a complicated and tangled mess right before the semester ends, but generally it all seems to get somewhat untangled enough for me to emerge mostly alive. I used to think it was chaos when I was a student trying to get out of the mess, but it's actually much more difficult as a teacher (to the third power, at least!) Instead of having one person to keep track of, I have a lesser degree of responsibility for about 100 people, give or take depending on attendance records and the like. Regardless, as I grade 5 classes worth of final portfolios in the next week (going into hiding, as you can imagine) I am certain to be more than ready for the start of summer vacation at the end...

Blondes and Brunettes and Redheads, Oh My!

I watched Easy A this weekend (great movie, by the way) starring Emma Stone, the adorable redhead of Superbad and Zombieland. It all started when it occurred to me that she was a really cute redhead, but then I had to observe that her hair is far too red to be "natural," so I did some research and found that Emma Stone is naturally a blonde! I have always been interested in the idea of changing my color (bored with blonde sometimes; I've been feeling that way off and on for most of my life!) and this made me think about the possibility that I might  actually look fine with a color besides blonde. Also, colors always can go back!

So I started comparing celebrities who do different colors. I tried to find the cutest pictures of them, at least trying to be attractive in the specific images.

First, I am considering the cute Zooey Deschanel, seen as a blonde in Elf and a brunette nearly everywhere else. To me, it's obvious which one is cuter. She is definitely meant to be a brunette! The blonde hair washes out her face and the brown hair makes her big giant signature blue eyes POP:

Next I can't help but observe the Disney princess Hilary Duff. She is one who is known as a blonde, but has been a brunette on occasion. When I compare pictures of her in the two states, I believe that she is a very attractive blonde, but admit that she looks best as a brunette. Of course, in this image, she has less make-up on in the blonde picture, which changes the comparison:

Some other actresses commonly known with one hair color and sometimes appearing with different hair colors...

I believe that Ashlee Simpson is attractive no matter what. She looks great as a blonde and as a redhead.

Anna Torv, as Olivia Dunhan,appears as both a blonde and a redhead on Fringe, but the impression left by her hair is distinctly related to her hair style and her personality type. The Olivia of our world is serious and her hairstyle is very spinsterish while the Olivia of the other universe, the redhead, is a more fun, quick to laugh, person and her bangs soften her face. Olivia needs bangs, and honestly, Anna Torv looks better as a redhead, to me.

Little known fact: Katy Perry is a natural redhead. This is the only picture I could find of her in her natural state and of course her dark haired style is her celebrity look so she is more fixed up in this picture. She looks like a completely different person in these two photos, but she seems attractive in both. She certainly wears more make-up now! 

Hayden Panettiere looks attractive as both a blonde and a brunette/redhead, but she looks more natural as a blonde than anything darker. I like her both ways though I have seen pictures of her without the make-up and she looks much better plain as a blonde than as a brunette. 

Lastly, our famous Emma Stone! Here she is, both hair colors. What do YOU think? 

Weird Observations about my Musical Taste

This is not an exhaustive list, neither have I chosen to qualitatively analyze it at this time. This is merely an observation.

Bands I feel like I should like more than I do:

• Sufjan Stevens
• Ryan Adams
• Freelance Whales
• Crystal Castles
• Fleet Foxes
• Mumford and Sons
• Wolf Parade

Bands I love unreservedly in spite of known flaws:

• Rachael Yamagata
• A Fine Frenzy
• Bon Iver
• Glen Hansard
• Sara Bareilles
• She & Him
• Thirteen Senses
• Tilly and the Wall

This issue will be revisited in future. Consider this a post-it on the subject. 

I Adore You. I Want to Follow You.

Go Epic or...

I have this strange, unaccountable fear of failure.

Wow, that's a friend-making way to start a conversation.

But really, cutting right to the heart of the matter, that's my fear. I think that is everything in my life in a succinct little nutshell.

While I can't say that failure characterizes my life in any particular way, the fear of it, the dread of it, especially of it being known, terrifies me. It's a strange thing because (commence therapy session) honestly, I don't think badly of others who fail, it's just that I hold myself to this ridiculous standard. "You're your own worst critic," I've heard a million times, and that's true, but that's not it. That's not the problem. The critic of what? What I have been too afraid to actually do? No, I don't criticize myself enough. If I kicked my own butt and called myself a fool more often, maybe I'd actually accomplish something. That's the only way that last one got written, believe me.

So, what of the colloquial "Go epic or go home"? I sit there shivering in the cold thinking, "What if I'm not epic? What if they send me home?" and I change the whole thing to "Go epic or don't go," and I don't go.

So what if I fill my head with the colloquialisms and let them rule me. They are said often because they are proven right, after all.

"The only real failure in life is the failure to try."

"The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure."

"There are no failures, just experiences and your reactions to them."

"There are no secrets to success; it is preparation, hard work, and learning from failure."

"Life's real failure is when you don't realize how close you were to success when you gave up."

"I didn't fail the test I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."

"Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street."



...You get the idea.

I think that those of us who are afraid of failure have to get over ourselves. No one cares that much about our failures, and success means too much to let it get away. 

One Week

This is the movie that's inspiring it all.

Check it out!

100 Days

At the moment, I am obsessed with the idea of the last summer of my "youth." This year I finished the single greatest accomplishment of my life to date (ahem! I told you I would mention it every chance I get!) and now I am sitting in the pleasant, shady little spot that is still fresh enough to be comfortable: educated and not yet employed. It's too soon to be worried, after all I have had a number of interviews already, they just can't hire me yet because I am still teaching until the end of next month. I am not worried about anything right now except perhaps the thought of getting a job sooner than I want to. Right now, I am anticipating a summer of fun, abandonment, daydreams, books, writing (yes, that again), adventures, road trips, and anything else new, unusual, and in any way exciting that I can squeeze into my schedule. I am hoping to make the whole adventure an adventure in and of itself. It should be a period of discovery, hope, newness, and starting all over again as something different. Or maybe just starting over as myself again, because it's been a long time since I've been that, and I miss it. I miss me, the reader, writer, adventure-loving dreamer. And now I am free to be what I want to be again!

I have this fascination with road trips, though not usually in the form of road trips themselves, but rather in the form of road trip movies. This weekend I watched One Week for the first time. I thought it was an amazing and incredible movie... I sympathize with the main character entirely; I mean, it's hard to imagine what one would do at only 29, hearing they have cancer and will likely live for only a short time. I can understand his desire to have an adventure. It makes me want to have my long-awaited adventure now, before I have to make it fit into the little piece of my life that's left. I love stories like this though; it's important to think about life like this. Haven't we always been told, profoundly, to live like we're dying? If I found out my time was through, there are a lot of things that I'd want to do, and being with everyone I love for every remaining moment of my life would not be the plan. There would be time for that, but that wouldn't be everything. What about the adventures we dream of, the parts of our lives that we have always wanted and yet we never pursue. We only have a single life to live, just one opportunity to realize and fulfill those dreams. We should take the opportunities that we are offered and use them. We cannot let our dreams go to waste! Once our lives are over, no one is going to live our dreams for us; if they haven't been fulfilled, they will simply die when we die. 

I have a goal to pass the next 100 days (well starting in about 30 days, when my semester ends officially) having daily adventures of searching and discovery--I hope. I will document those days, and I will have them. I have a trip to Tennessee planned, and a trip to Montana planned, and a trip to somewhere all by myself in the planning. I am dreaming of that adventure now. The time will come...soon!